Matilda Rossie
Introduction
Our relationships with others play a crucial role in shaping our experiences and well-being; they can be positive, enriching, and inspiring. Unfortunately, they can also be challenging and emotionally taxing. No matter how kind and accommodating we try to be, dealing with difficult people is an inevitable part of life, and we will all encounter people who push our buttons.
While we can't control the behavior of others, we can manage our own mental health and how we respond. Below are some tips on self-validation, boundary setting, and self-care to help you navigate the difficult relationships in your life.
Tuning In and Keeping Track
Dealing with difficult people often starts with understanding how their behaviors affect us.
Take a moment to reflect on your relationship with this person. Try to identify the specific actions or behaviors they do that trigger an emotional response in you.
What are the thoughts or memories that come up for you when they act this way?
What is the emotion you are feeling?
What do these reactions reveal about your own feelings and needs?
Writing this out on paper, keeping a journal, or even a note on your phone can help assess your feelings and process your thoughts and reactions.
Self-Validation
Interpersonal difficulties can bring up self-critical thoughts and leave us feeling low and alone. Self-validation involves recognizing and affirming your own thoughts, feelings, and experiences, regardless of external validation or invalidation from others. Self-validation can help us maintain our emotional well-being even in the face of interpersonal challenges.
Look back at what you have written down and try to acknowledge your feelings without judgment. It can be as simple as saying, “It’s okay that I feel …” or “It makes sense that …”. This practice can help reduce anxiety and improve your overall mental health.
Boundaries
Setting boundaries can be tough, particularly if it is not something we do often. The first step is identifying what boundaries you would like to set. Review what you wrote about this person’s behavior and reflect on what behaviors you can tolerate and what you cannot. What would you need to help you feel more comfortable?
Once you know your limits, the trickier step is enacting them.
It can help to start small, like excusing yourself from a conversation that makes you uncomfortable. You can work your way up to setting firmer boundaries, like changing the conversation topic. For example, “I don’t feel comfortable talking about this. Can we talk about … instead?”. It is good to be clear and specific when setting a boundary; make sure you communicate what behavior is unacceptable and what you expect instead. Use “I” statements to express your needs without blaming others.
Boundary-setting is an ongoing process, and it’s okay if it feels uncomfortable at first. The more you practice, the more natural it will become, and the better you’ll be able to protect your emotional and mental health.
Self-Care
Navigating difficult relationships is hard work, and the time and energy spent can leave us feeling overwhelmed and our emotional reserves empty.
Self-care is crucial for maintaining your well-being and keeping afloat. Make sure you put time aside to spend on the activities and people that replenish those emotional reserves.
Everybody is different, so choose the activity that feels energizing for you, whether that’s going for a walk, watching a TV show, engaging in hobbies, or catching up with friends. If you can, try to plan it in advance and schedule in some self-care after your interactions with difficult individuals.
Conclusion
We all experience difficult people in life, and navigating our relationship with them without sacrificing our well-being requires a good set of tools.
While we cannot change others, we can work on how we respond to them to safeguard our own well-being. By taking the time to reflect on these relationships, and working on self-validation, setting boundaries, and prioritizing self-care, you can start to change the impact of these relationships on your well-being.
If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed or need a little extra help to navigate these challenging relationships, feel free to reach out to our clinic for a session with one of our qualified psychologists.
For more information or to schedule a consultation, contact us at admin@brodieearl.com or call 0450 808 917. Together, we can help you thrive in all aspects of your relationships with yourself and others and take control of your mental health.
Written by Matilda Rossie
Psychologist and Clinical Psychology Registrar